Submission for Write India campaign. All Copyright Reserved.
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I am Drak.
D. Rakkimutthu.
The thing - the only thing - you should know about me is that, I have always wanted to become a spy.
I have watched spy movies since I was a kid. But none of them told me how to become one. But a few years back, I had seen a movie where the hero was picked by a secret service agency when he was eating samosas from a road-side thelawala.
After that I had divided my town into five zones and started spending my evenings in one of them, eating samosas. I ensured that I visited one zone at least three days in a row so that any lurking spy-recruiter would get a fair chance to notice me. Every day I would change my look, sometime as an officer, while other times I would be dressed as a student. And each time I acted like the way I was dressed. My intention was to show that I can disguise easily and blend into any setting. After all, this was the first requirement of a spy.
And yet, no one ever approached me.
Until that day.
I had seen him roaming around the area for the past few days, always dressed formally and perfect.
He looked about the shops, spoke to some people, and yet, I never saw him buy anything. He would be there at around 7 in the evening and would hang around till 9.
That day I had finished my first plate of samosas when I saw him approach me with a smile. My senses were pushed to high-alert. It looked like my plan was finally working.
“Hi,” he said thrusting his hand as if claiming my intestines for unpaid debts.
“Hi,” I replied, grabbing his hand, a safe distance from my gut.
“I am Manjunath,” He said.
“Rakimu…Drak.” I improvised.
“Hi Rakkimu Drak, that’s a new name to me,” he smiled.
He felt like someone who has heard a lot of names.
“No…its..,Drak.”
“Oh…is that a nickname?”
“That’s what my friends call me. It’s Rakkimuthu D.”
“Oh…haha…that’s nice. So Drak, do you come to here often?”
“….umm…not often. I just came here …with friends.” I lied.
“Ok...it’s the first time for me and I am trying to find out the shops here. Are there any good clothes shops here?”
I knew he was lying because I had seen him here for the past three days, but I was willing to play the game.
“Um…yea… I think there are a few shops. Have you tried Designer Fashions across the road? They have big brands but actually they are all export-rejects. So if you bargain, you will get it at very low price.” I showed-off my knowledge on the textile industry’s under-dealings.
“Ah yea…I think I will go there. So what do you do Drak?”
“I…am preparing for civil services.” I replied.
“Oh great!”
I felt good at how this was going. Clearly he was showing interest in me. I decided to reciprocate.
“What do you do?”
“I am a Recruitment manager.”
That was the hint I needed to confirm he was recruiting for some secret organization. I smiled like a toothpaste model on payday.
“…but I also run my own business along with a few friends.” He continued.
Yea sure. But I allowed him to build his story.
“And we are looking to partner with some sharp guys like yourself. So have you ever thought of starting your own business apart from what you do?”
Nice story, James Recruiting Bond!
“Yes, yes, I always wanted to do that!”
“Great…here is my number…give me a missed call”
I did and immediately realized how smooth this guy was. He got my phone number and I did not even get a choice to refuse!
Maybe I should try this with my neighbor’s daughter Meera. I have spoken to her once for a curd-rice recipe but could not get her phone number. This time I will give her my number and then ask her to give me a missed call.
Tricks like this - which they teach in secret service agencies - get James Bond all the girls. I knew I was in the right profession and I was already learning.
“Great…so one of our senior leaders is coming to town tomorrow, and it would be great if you also join the meeting.”
“Yea sure….where do I come?”
“I will text you the address, but please make sure to be there by 5:00pm sharp as we like people who are punctual.”
As is expected from a spy. One simply cannot be a good spy if he reaches a possible crime scene after the crime is done.
“I will be there by 4:30”.
“Awesome! See you tomorrow, Drak. And also it’s a formal meeting, so please dress in formals”
“Yea..ok...bye”
I walked home that evening feeling pretty good. And, a bit amused that my samosa plan worked.
Then I actually saw the logic behind this method. They wanted someone with the ability to eat road-side food without getting sick. The importance of this simple fact struck me when I realized that if the agent’s stomach gets upset after eating samosas then he would spend valuable time considering whether to run to the bathroom or after the suspect. And time becomes very important in such tricky situations. In fact, the previous day, when it rained suddenly, I had to run with a samosa in my mouth and I could see this guy following me. I felt certain that I was born for this job.
***
4:30 PM (The Next Evening)
The address was of a small house in a quiet part of the town.
Manjunath was outside, but suspiciously, was brimming with enthusiasm.
I found it a bit weird. Agents are usually more reserved people who rarely smiled, but maybe this was a disguise.
I decided to carry on the game.
“Hi! How are you?” I jacked up my enthusiasm.
He grasped my hand and hugged me.
***
4:45PM:
“Our leader would be here soon. He is very successful in this business. In fact he is one of the youngest millionaires in this country. He is so amazing that last year he…”
His enthusiasm reached uncharted heights and I kept a safe distance before I got slapped…or hugged.
“So what is this business?” I asked with a look I have been practicing.
It’s a like a look which aroused buffaloes may give to people who like animal-porn. Only my look is slightly less-friendly. It’s a combination which says – I know what is going on, so you better tell me about it. But, in secret if you want.
“It’s ecommerce.” He said.
“It takes the power of ecommerce and affiliated marketing to create residual income…”
He must have been using a code. I tried to remember some common codes we used in school. I tried forming sentences with the alternate words.
“It’s it the of and marketing….” It did not make sense.
I tried starting with the second word. “…Ecommerce takes power.”
This made sense. I continued.
“Ecommerce affiliated to residual…”
This was it. “Ecommerce takes power. Ecommerce affiliated to residual…”
I needed more data. Or maybe “ecommerce” is a code name for…
OSAMA takes power. OSAMA affiliated to residual …
Oh my god!
He was talking about something or someone which is gaining power and is affiliated to something…residual?
Residual government after a coup!
Of course!
“Tell me more,” I asked. My eyes were wide with expectations.
“You will know everything in the next 30 - 40 minutes…” He said.
“Hey…here’s is Mr. Ram Prakash. He is awesome! Come on, I will introduce you to him.”
Mr. Ram Prakash did not hug me.
***
5:00PM
After a while, when everyone met Mr. Ram Prakash, we were asked to get inside the house into the living room. The room was fairly spacious and was filled with a few folding-chairs and a white board mounted on a stand. On one corner there was a table with bottles of body lotion and toothpaste tubes.
I guessed the nature of this meeting at once. They would tell us how common household items like lotions and toothpastes can be used as weapons. My blood was rushing through my veins with great excitement.We were asked to take a seat and Manjunath walked to the front of the room, near the whiteboard.
“Good Evening friends…” He started with enthusiasm.
The room was silent.
“Good evening!” I replied with similar enthusiasm. After all, there were many candidates and I needed to stand out from them.
“Good Evening…. I hope we all know why we are here today.” Manjunath said.
“We are here to talk about a business that is changing lives around the world, and I am glad you want to know more about it. One round of applause for yourself….pleaaase”
Everybody clapped unenthusiastically. Except me.
“We have one of the most successful businessmen I have come across in my lifetime and he has helped hundreds of people become successful businessmen too! And today, he has taken time out of his busy schedule to give us some advice on how to set up a business and become successful in it.” Manjunath continued his welcome speech.
“Please welcome….with a huge round of applause…Mr. Ram Prakash!!”
Applauses.
Mr. Ram Prakash approached the whiteboard with a confident
gait and a big smile.
My belief that secret agents were reserved people, was being proved wrong. They were super-enthusiastic as if they just got rejected from a suicide mission.
“Hello everyone….” He started with the drill. “…can I get a BIIIGG Heellooo?”
***
7:00 PM
After two hours of Mr. Ram Prakash’s lecture on marketing and building networks for a company called DreamLife, I learnt how this secret service organization worked.
It was building a network of people who could go to other people’s houses to sell products and there, they can learn if anything dangerous is being planned.
I was in awe how sophisticated the methods of this organization was and felt safe that our country has such minds protecting us.
Unfortunately, not everyone saw it that way. I saw most people leave, giving comments like, “What a waste…” or “My uncle was in such a multi-level-marketing scheme and asked us to buy toothpaste for ONE HUNDRED RUPEES!”
No one except me saw the hidden picture.
I felt happy that I would be selected now, but also a bit sad at how stupid the other candidates were. They may have gotten invited because of their ability to eat un-hygienic samosas without falling sick, but there was more to a secret agent than just physical strength. The agent must be sharp to see through the obvious and understand codes. Clearly none of the candidates had these qualities.
Mr. Ram Prakash came up to me.
“Drak, we do not meet people like you every day. You are special. Only people like you who can see the big picture make it big in this business.”
“Thanks Mr. Ram Prakash….” I replied.
“Call me Ram.”
“….thank you Ram.”
I was already on first-name basis with a big shot of India’s top secret service. I felt like patting my own back at my sharp rise in the organization. Surely within the next few years, I would become one of their top spies. And maybe one day, even Bollywood would make a movie on me. I just hoped I do not die in any mission.
“Drak, you should start immediately because I want to take you to another high-level meeting we have tonight with someone even bigger than me in this business.” Ram continued.
“And you have a lot to prepare before that meeting. We do not have time…Oops! sorry…I have to take this call. I will be back in ten seconds.”
I loved how smart and punctual Ram was. Nobody ever told me that he would be back in ten seconds. It must take special skills to predict a call duration that accurately. Maybe one day even I would learn it.
I observed him carefully as he walked to the door. I knew that time was running out but suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in reverse under my breath. "Ten, nine, eight, seven..."
Meanwhile, Manjunath gave me some CDs to listen to and told how much income the leaders made in this business. I was a bit uncomfortable how much focused Manjunath was on making money and building big networks. He should be telling me about the trainings and skills I could learn if I am to become a successful spy. I had already learnt how to get the phone number from a person. Soon, I would also learn how to predict call durations. Maybe this was why Manjunath was in Recruitment and not in some dangerous mission.
“…Sorry Drak.” Ram interrupted. “That was the leader who we are meeting today. I told him about you and he is very excited to meet you in person. So you must come tonight with me.”
Five Years Later
Yes, I had to jump five years from that evening I signed up as a DreamLife distributor because lot many things happened after that evening.
But it was not until two years later as a distributor, I had realized that DreamLife was not a cover for a secret service organization. After two years working with the organization, one incident made me question this organization. It was a bit suspicious that I never saw Manjunath eat from local thelawalas. But one day when I offered him a plate of samosas, which he ate, he immediately felt sick. He was diagnosed with typhoid later on.
I would have dismissed Manjunath, as he was not fit to be a field-agent any way, but even Ram got diarrhea later that year after eating biriyani from a very good hotel. This really made me suspicious as he must have been a field-agent to reach that level of leadership. So I did my own research on DreamLife and I was finally convinced me that it was not a cover for some secret service organization.
Later that year, I resigned as a distributor. But not before I made friends with another distributor who was an ex-secret service officer. He promised to help me get into the secret services.
But unfortunately I cannot reveal more than this, but it is possible that the next time you have samosas, there would be eyes watching you and this time it will not be for DreamLife.
So….mind it.
-Drak.
